Have you ever been called a name at work?

Not in a joking way.

But in a way that left you breathless. Shaken. Questioning who you are.

If so, you're not alone.

Many high-achieving women experience harsh criticism in the workplace—especially when they start setting boundaries, using their voice, and standing firm in their values. And while I'm a huge advocate for self-reflection and personal growth, not all feedback is helpful.

Sometimes, feedback isn’t feedback at all.

Sometimes, it’s an attack.

Sometimes, it’s projection.

Sometimes, it’s what happens when a confident woman makes someone else uncomfortable.

Some time ago, in a role I worked hard to earn, I found myself on the receiving end of a shocking comment from a boss.

In a meeting, this individual called me a belligerent bully.

The words hit like a slap across the face.

I sat there, stunned. Angry. And deeply hurt.

Why? Because for most of my career, I had been praised, celebrated, and promoted. I was the go-to person, the one leadership leaned on, the “star” employee.

And suddenly, I was being labeled the very opposite of everything I believed I stood for.

It was jarring—and honestly, it was meant to be.

Because this wasn’t constructive criticism.

It was an emotional reaction from someone who had repeatedly:

• Ghosted their own leadership responsibilities

• Micromanaged in extreme and erratic ways

• Belittled team members behind their backs

• Publicly ran down people’s reputations after they left

This was about power. Control. And projection.

I knew that deep down.

Still—it hurt.

Because at our core, most of us want to be respected, valued, and seen.

But thankfully, I had the tools to pause. To reflect. And to ask the right questions instead of spiraling.

And I reminded myself: I know who I am and other people do not define my worth.

I was called that name not because I was actually being a bully—but because I was a confident woman who:

✅ Spoke up when something didn’t feel right
✅ Set boundaries around my time and energy
✅ Refused to compromise my integrity
✅ Questioned decisions that didn’t serve the people I was there to support

And let’s be honest: if a man had done the exact same thing, he would have been praised as “bold,” “strategic,” or “assertive.”

But women?

We get labeled “too much.” “Emotional.” “Difficult.”

Or worse—“a problem.”

So how do you tell the difference?

Let’s break it down.

Constructive feedback:

• Is specific and focused on behavior

• Offers a path forward and invites collaboration

• Is given with the goal of growth and improvement

• Is delivered in a respectful, professional manner

Toxic criticism:

• Is vague and aimed at your identity

• Uses emotionally charged language to shame or control

• Feels personal, weaponized, or disproportionate

• Comes from someone with inconsistent or harmful behavior themselves

Here’s a quick test:
If it leaves you feeling ashamed, small, or confused—and you can’t identify a single clear thing to do with it—it probably wasn’t feedback.

5 Ways to Protect Your Confidence in a Toxic Work Environment

If you're navigating a similar situation, here’s what I want you to know—and do:

1. Pause and Breathe Before You React

Let the moment pass before you respond. Breathe through the emotions and give yourself space to process before internalizing anything.

2. Track What’s Happening

If you suspect a pattern of toxic behavior, start documenting it. Keep a record of interactions, emails, and what was said. This isn’t just for HR—it helps you validate your experience.

3. Talk to Someone You Trust

Whether it's a coach, therapist, or mentor, processing these experiences with a grounded, objective person is crucial. You don’t have to go through this alone.

4. Strengthen Your Identity Anchors

When someone attacks your character, remind yourself of who you are. List your values. Your accomplishments. Your leadership philosophy. Anchor back into the truth.

5. Don’t Confuse Projection with Truth

Just because someone says something doesn’t make it true. Their comment might say more about them than it ever will about you.

Final Thoughts: Confidence Isn’t the Problem

Your confidence is not the problem.

Your voice is not the problem.

Your boundaries are not the problem.

Sometimes, people in power are threatened by what they can’t control.

And confident women who know who they are?

We’re not easy to control.

So if you’re facing a toxic boss, navigating difficult dynamics, or recovering from a moment that knocked your confidence—I see you.

I've coached dozens of women through these exact experiences. I know the psychological toll it takes. And I also know the transformation that can happen when you have the right tools and support.

🔗 If you're ready to reclaim your confidence at work and need support, book a session with me here.

I’d love to help you sort through the noise and reconnect with your power.

You're not too much.

You're not a bully.

You're a leader.

Let’s help you own that again.

With you Always,

Dr. Kasi Lacey

Confidence Coach | Psychologist | Keynote Speaker